Paranoid thoughts in relationships: why do they appear?

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While some people do this, it does not imply that everyone does it. Many people have come to generalize this type of thoughts, generating dynamics and behaviors that can have serious consequences for them and their relationships. These are paranoid thoughts with serious effects on personal relationships, something that will be discussed throughout this article.

What do we mean by paranoid thoughts?

We understand paranoid thoughts to the set of thoughts that have characteristics of paranoia. The latter, if considered from the prism of psychopathology, is characterized by the presence of pathological delusions and interpretations of reality in the form of self-referential and persecutory delirium, suspecting that what happens around him revolves around him and that others have an intention or to take advantage or to cause some type of damage. Usually, the subject with paranoia is extremely rigid in his thoughts, it is difficult to make him change his beliefs, and present a high attitude of distrust towards others. It is not unusual for strange behaviors and behaviors to manifest as an element of protection.

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While it should be borne in mind that paranoid thinking does not necessarily equate to paranoia as a disorder, the fact is that paranoid thinking shares many of these characteristics. It generally implies the existence of a high level of insecurity and distrust of others and their interaction with the subject in question. It is common that they tend to use a deductive type thought of deductive type to analyze the interaction with others, starting from a general premise to extend the conclusions drawn from it to each particular case.

Paranoid thinking usually generates a reaction of resentment and diminution and avoidance of intimacy with the person to whom it refers, even though he may not have done anything to deserve them. It also tends to generate deep suffering in those who have it, as well as to make them do behaviors that cause discomfort to the person who generates such behavior. In fact, sometimes there is an effect of the self-fulfilling prophecy: the person he suspects ends up doing what was attributed to him because of the treatment that he has paranoid thought has given him.

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It is typical of insecure people, in many cases with previous traumatic experiences that have made them think of the world and of others as hostile elements or competitors that try to take away our sustenance or our dreams or that have a great fear of being abandoned due to said experiences.

Paranoid thoughts in relationships

Although paranoid thoughts can appear in any context, one of the vital areas where they tend to occur and the most affected are usually those of the couple, in which unjustified fears and jealousy may appear and even a disorder such as Othello.

In this sense, one of the most common and repeated is the fear or the conviction that our partner is being unfaithful. Although it is not something impossible and is a fear that appears sporadically in many people, the truth is that sustained maintenance and without well-founded causes of this suspicion can generate a deep schism in the relationship, to the point of even breaking it.

In some extreme cases, it is possible to establish some control or vigilance over the couple: what they do, who they talk to, who they chat with, when they are connected, how many times they go out and how much they manage to do, what they smell, hygiene habits … even some people come to violate the privacy of their partner by looking at their mail or mobile. Reproaches, accusations, suspicions, and hyper-control violate and erode the relationship, being able in fact to cause these same reactions of distrust that the couple carries out an infidelity or leave the relationship.

In addition to infidelity and abandonment, there may also be self-referential ideas, in which everything that the other says is considered an attack or even in which the relationship is considered to exist for mere interest or for comfort on the part of the couple and not for a true feeling of union. This can generate a series of dynamics that lead to a conflictive and destructive relationship.

Paranoid thoughts in social relationships: friends and family

Our social relationships are not limited to the couple, but we are continuously interacting with a large number of people and some of them become part of our circle of friends. But in such relationships paranoid thoughts can also sometimes be observed. For example, different acts or words can be interpreted as a sign of dislike towards the person, or some comments such as accusations or reproaches without this being the intention of the person issuing them.

This type of thoughts can generate withdrawal or hostility, uncertainty, and a cooling or even rupture of the relationship with others, both on the part of the subject who has the thought and on the part of others towards him.

Paranoid thoughts thinking in the workplace

Another area in which paranoid behaviors and thoughts may appear is at work. And the fact is that the labor market is already competitive terrain (which in fact facilitates paranoid ideation), in which, depending on the field, it is often not so unusual to think badly about the intentions of others. It is relatively easy to ask if behind some behaviors there is no search to find information to lower the position of the other and/or be above or improve the chances of obtaining a promotion or a fixed position. Thus, paranoid thoughts can make us continually suspect the motivations for which others interact in certain ways or that there is a cooling of interpersonal relationships, which can generate labor conflicts, productivity declines, and a bad business climate.

How to avoid paranoid them?

It is possible that we ourselves or someone we love manifest some type of paranoid thought at some particular moment or context. Therefore, in view of the discomfort generated by these thoughts, it is worth asking ourselves what we can do in our day-to-day work to avoid or combat them. That is why we will review a series of tips below.

How are you?

It is common for paranoid thoughts to appear to a greater extent in situations of high tension or stress or in periods when we have an altered state of mind. It would be useful to evaluate what emotional state we have when that distrust appears towards the other, as well as to consider how said an emotional state can affect us.

Practice Mindfulness

Many of the fears that originate paranoid thinking are due to the anticipation of negative consequences. The practice of meditation or Mindfulness can be helpful in the sense that it aims to center awareness in the present moment and assess how we feel. It also helps to observe our thoughts from outside, being witnesses of them and allowing us to feel them.

Value the evidence

“I think my partner puts the horns on me.” “My boss wants to fire me.” “My friend does not care.” All these are thoughts that depending on the context can be considered paranoid. It is not that they are not possible, but it is necessary to ask ourselves on what we base ourselves to think it. It is necessary to assess what makes us think in this way, evaluate its significance and if it has possible alternative interpretations, before judging.

Communicate

The basis of human relationships is communication. When we are talking about close people as a couple, family or friends, it would be appropriate to comment and communicate both the good and the bad, in order to avoid encysting elements that can later lead to misunderstandings. It is not about expressing distrust or constantly asking if we have been for example infidels, but about making the shared bond allow us to express the existence of fears, doubts, and thoughts.

Relaxation

The use of relaxation techniques can be used to relieve stress and reduce worries. In this sense, relaxation techniques focus on breathing and muscle contraction can be of great help, such as diaphragmatic breathing or Jacobson’s progressive muscle relaxation.